As the New Year is upon us I have a few New Rules of my own:
NEW RULE: Euro Trash Stop Trashing.
Honestly, if I have to listen to one more European go on & on about the environment and what hideous job the Bush Administration has done on environmental issues, as they sit in a cloud of smoke I will kill someone. No one uses an ashtray the earth is there ashtray. They will grind a cigarette butt in front of a scared temple. So my new rule is to shut the Butt Up!
NEW RULE: Dreading Your Dreads.
White Boys & Girls from Iowa, Kansas and Florida stop wearing Rastafarian dread locks it doesn't make you a Rastafarian it make you a Rasta Fakeiin.
NEW RULE: Yes MEANS yes and no MEANS no.
O.K. People stop saying yes for no & no for yes. I don't mean to be mean and I have really fallen in love with these people and their gentle spirits but...the yes no thing is out of control. You would think a restaurant would be the one place that they would have to have some English skills. Do you know how many times I have asked if the fish has bones and I am told no over and over. "No bones for you Sir." Then they bring me an entire fish with the head and that one eye looking right at me. It looks Like Sammy Davis Jr. about to burst into Up a Lazy River. I am the guy who can't eat a chicken leg because the bones freak me out. But I hunker down and go at it. When in Rome Eh? I feel like Russel Crow in Gladiator...O.K. more like Fred Flagstone at heir annual Fish Fry one of my favorite episodes.
NEW RULE:A Pagoda is a Pagoda is a Pagoda.
I have been to more of my share of sacred temples in five countries so far. A filed with a bunch of Pagoda's should not be listed as a sacred temple. After a while they all look the same and not one, not one Pagoda is related to Abe...trust me I have asked.
NEW RULE: Who Knew...Elvis Was Right.
O.K. We must begin to shot every TV in the world. What can I say they have been the destruction of civilization. Don't get me wrong I am not a TV snob and I watch more than my share. I lived for Lucy (I did not see Lucy in prime time as some of my friends who shall remain nameless say, Cindy & Lorraine) I come from a Jeopardy family, I am addicted to Seinfeld reruns and I could go on and on. Don't get me started on my passion for design shows. But people I am here to tell you it is out of control. There are TVs on everywhere and it has numbed us all. We should wear T Shirts with a big X across a TV set and barret's (I Know Patty Hearts couldn't even pull off a barret and she had money and a rifle) and just start shooting the dam things. I have already read eight books and would never have read that much if I had a TV near by. Here is an odd piece of news, Asia is obsessed with The Nanny it is on constantly. You haven't lived until you have heard Fran Dresser's voice in Balinese.
Happy New Year to one and all. xoxo
Honestly, if I have to listen to one more European go on & on about the environment and what hideous job the Bush Administration has done on environmental issues, as they sit in a cloud of smoke I will kill someone. No one uses an ashtray the earth is there ashtray. They will grind a cigarette butt in front of a scared temple. So my new rule is to shut the Butt Up!
NEW RULE: Dreading Your Dreads.
White Boys & Girls from Iowa, Kansas and Florida stop wearing Rastafarian dread locks it doesn't make you a Rastafarian it make you a Rasta Fakeiin.
NEW RULE: Yes MEANS yes and no MEANS no.
O.K. People stop saying yes for no & no for yes. I don't mean to be mean and I have really fallen in love with these people and their gentle spirits but...the yes no thing is out of control. You would think a restaurant would be the one place that they would have to have some English skills. Do you know how many times I have asked if the fish has bones and I am told no over and over. "No bones for you Sir." Then they bring me an entire fish with the head and that one eye looking right at me. It looks Like Sammy Davis Jr. about to burst into Up a Lazy River. I am the guy who can't eat a chicken leg because the bones freak me out. But I hunker down and go at it. When in Rome Eh? I feel like Russel Crow in Gladiator...O.K. more like Fred Flagstone at heir annual Fish Fry one of my favorite episodes.
NEW RULE:A Pagoda is a Pagoda is a Pagoda.
I have been to more of my share of sacred temples in five countries so far. A filed with a bunch of Pagoda's should not be listed as a sacred temple. After a while they all look the same and not one, not one Pagoda is related to Abe...trust me I have asked.
NEW RULE: Who Knew...Elvis Was Right.
O.K. We must begin to shot every TV in the world. What can I say they have been the destruction of civilization. Don't get me wrong I am not a TV snob and I watch more than my share. I lived for Lucy (I did not see Lucy in prime time as some of my friends who shall remain nameless say, Cindy & Lorraine) I come from a Jeopardy family, I am addicted to Seinfeld reruns and I could go on and on. Don't get me started on my passion for design shows. But people I am here to tell you it is out of control. There are TVs on everywhere and it has numbed us all. We should wear T Shirts with a big X across a TV set and barret's (I Know Patty Hearts couldn't even pull off a barret and she had money and a rifle) and just start shooting the dam things. I have already read eight books and would never have read that much if I had a TV near by. Here is an odd piece of news, Asia is obsessed with The Nanny it is on constantly. You haven't lived until you have heard Fran Dresser's voice in Balinese.
Happy New Year to one and all. xoxo
1 comment:
Jon, get thee to a gamelan concert and make it snappy! It's music from the edge of the world. You do NOT get to go to Bali and come home without that. I need that story!
It's already 2009 where you are -- so how is it, any better? All I know is I'm gonna miss you in 2009 as much as I do in 2008.
Stay high and handsome!
xoxox, Matt
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